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Jory, the negative Nelly

I am not, by nature, a negative person. As such, I don’t like having negative people in my life. I find that they drag me down to their level of misery, and that just sucks. So I avoid them, which is hard to do when they are friends of my husband.

Jory has been my husband’s friend since high school. He’s the asshole who attacked me by luring me into a supposed “discussion” about veganism, in which he proceeded to ignore everything I said about veganism and why I became vegan, instead regaling me with his ridiculous philosophy of “works” and “doesn’t work”, and turning our “discussion” into a me-bashing session.

Jory is one of those people who works really, really hard to convince everyone around him that he’s happy and living an awesome, joyful life. He even told me that other people are jealous of how joyful he is (I would argue that a truly joyful person would probably not say that others are jealous of him, but that’s just me). But I’ve always felt ill-at-ease with Jory, like something about him was always just a bit…off. I could never quite put my finger on it. I mean, superficially, he seems like a happy guy. He’s always grinning, laughing and cracking jokes, making weird faces, doing weird things. Like, ALWAYS. The guy never takes a break from clowning. And it has finally sunk in that that is exactly what bothers me. Jory doesn’t show any other emotion, ever—-only his trademark, firmly-plastered-in-place, gonna-smile-if-it-kills-me, gotta-convince-them-I’m-happy, contrived, over-the-top, insincere “happiness”. Other people buy into it completely, but I’ve always felt really uncomfortable around him, and I never understood why until now.

He’s fake. I think it really is that simple. Fake people annoy the shit out of me. I had never really clued into it before because, as stated in earlier blog posts, Jory has never actually had a real conversation with me.

When he indicated on Facebook that he wanted to have a discussion with me, I assumed he meant an actual discussion. Now, I am a university grad, and I’m fairly decently edu-ma-cated, so I have an idea of what discussion or debate means. It means that we both present our “sides” of the issue or topic, and we enter into an academic, reasoned, logical discussion about the ideas. There is nothing personal about a debate—it’s a chance to explore or critique ideas, not people. But that’s just me, apparently. To Jory, a “discussion” means he presents hare-brained ideas that make no rational or logical sense whatsoever, and he expects my jaw to drop and for me to have a sudden epiphany and recognize his inherent greatness.

How badly disappointed he must have been when I gave a derisory snort and proceeded to rip apart his flawed argument! Mind you, I never insulted him—I only rebuked his ideas. But he took it personally, and everything fell apart. His pride was wounded by my refusal to get on my knees and worship him for the god he fancies himself, and he launched into a personal attack. That sort of commentary has no place in a debate, and Jory had no right to say the things he said to me under the guise of “discussion”.

And the thing is that I think he’s been waiting for a while to say it. Not in person, of course, because that requires a spine, but over Facebook. He’s tried to lure me into “discussions” before, I think, by posting irritating comments on Facebook. He really seems to like controversy—-it’s hard to know what he actually thinks, believes or stands for, because he seems to just say the opposite of what most other people are saying. For example, if a movie gets great reviews—from his friends or in the media—Jory says he hated it. He doesn’t really give solid reasons for why he disliked it; he just says he disliked it. If everyone dislikes something, he says he loves it. He tries to get attention by being “different”, not realizing that being contradictory is not the same as being different or having a unique viewpoint. Being contradictory does not make you interesting; it just makes you annoying.

It is hard to swallow, in some ways, that someone who doesn’t know the meaning of the word “joy” felt warranted in criticizing my life—of which he knows nothing—as being joyless. He’s the son of an alcoholic who I don’t imagine was all that nice to him. I imagine he was heavily criticized growing up, judging by the way he feels the need to criticize and condemn others. If you are a happy person, you are more focused on your “self”, your own improvement and faults, your own life and love, and you are not focused on everyone else and how they are acting and what they are doing. Prior to being attacked by Jory, I never gave him much thought, other than the occasional “Gee, he’s kind of strange” flitting through my skull. I certainly never had a negative opinion of him—I didn’t think about him enough to have an opinion one way or the other. I was too busy living my life.

The fact that he wasted as much time as he did dwelling on my perceived joylessness, on my perceived crappy relationship with my husband, etcetera, and the fact that he took the time to comment on a photo on Facebook as a way of luring me into a “discussion”, of which the sole point was to attack me, and that he re-read our “conversation” days later just to rehash the drama, just goes to show that the guy isn’t really a happy, joyous person. It shows he’ll go to great lengths to try and drag someone down. I guess in the end, he got his wish—I am, indeed, in awe of him, but not for the reasons he’d like.

I’m in awe of the fact that someone would bear a long-standing grudge over a few comments made on Facebook, which I have long since forgotten. I am in awe that someone would spend that kind of time constructing a fantasy story about me in his mind about how cynical, negative, unhappy, bitter and joyless I am, when the reality is that he’s projecting himself onto me. I am in awe of the fact that after never bothering to get to know me, he felt he knew enough to abuse me with his “feedback”. I am in awe of the fact that someone would talk to his supposed friend’s wife that way. I am just completely and utterly in awe of the fact that someone this childish, self-centred, egotistical and melodramatic can exist and function in this world. It must be so exhausting to keep up the façade of happiness and joy, when he is the exact opposite. No wonder he eats so much and has such a high metabolism—it must take enormous amounts of energy to hide the fact that he is so damn negative!

I have deleted and blocked Jory from my Facebook page, and when I did that, I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders. I didn’t realize how tired I was getting of his online antics—the inane things he says, the videos of himself, the stupid “experiments” and his constant rambling commentary and need to cause trouble. It is utterly amazing how one extremely negative person can bring me down. In a way, I am glad this happened with Jory—if it hadn’t, I’d still have to pretend to enjoy his company, wondering the whole time why spending even a moment of my time with him was so exhausting. Thanks, Jory, and I hope someday you are able to live a truly joyous life.

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